


Good Enough?

by PinkDiamond4595



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Hurt, Hurt Morality | Patton Sanders, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Maybe comfort, Morality | Patton Sanders Angst, Morality | Patton Sanders-centric, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, this hurt to write
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:29:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24714616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkDiamond4595/pseuds/PinkDiamond4595
Summary: Patton struggles with the knowledge that everything that happened during POF was his fault, no matter what way you looked at it. And eventually, the others discover Patton capable of feeling a lot more hatred than the thought, especially directed at one side in particular.The story is now complete, and my apologies to anyone waiting for chapter six, I couldn't find a good way to write it, so the story will now only have five chapters.
Comments: 31
Kudos: 125





	1. Apologies and Arguments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the latest episode, everyone in the mind palace is a mess. Patton attempt to comfort and apologize to everyone, but things end up being less than ideal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:  
> Self-depreciation  
> Yelling  
> Fighting  
> Extremely brief self-harm mention 
> 
> Let me know if it missed any.

Patton always knew that all of the sides hated him, whether they showed it or not. Even if they didn’t already, they definitely did after the latest episode. All he wanted to do was have some more strict moral boundaries for Thomas, the same ones he had for himself, but instead, he hurt Thomas, Roman, Logan, Virgil, and probably even Remus all in under one hour. He wanted to do nothing more than curl up and cry, maybe even find his blade. But right now was not about him. He was the one who had made all the mistakes, he wasn’t the one who had been hurt. At least, he wasn't hurt as bad as the others.

Patton had made up his mind that he would try to apologize to his entire famILY before the end of the night. Even if they didn’t accept his apologies, at least they would know he cared, right? That small bit of comfort was all he held on too as he made his way through the mind palace to Roman’s room. 

“Kiddo?” Patton asked softly asked his knuckles tapped lightly against the wood of the princes’ door. 

  
“Go away, Patton. I don’t want to see you right now.” Roman said with a shaky voice.

Okay, so this had gotten off to a rough start, but Patton still wanted to get an apology in before he left. “I will in a second. I just came by to let you know I really messed up today, and I’m sorry. I love you.”

Patton could hear stirring, and Roman came and opened the door, and he desperately hoped that it had meant he was forgiven. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case. “OF COURSE YOU MESSED EVERYTHING UP! YOU ACCEPTED DECEIT! EVEN AFTER HE INSULTED ME, EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW HE IS EVIL. AND YOU CALL YOURSELF OUR FATHER, BUT WHAT KIND OF FATHER PICKS THE SIDE OF AN EVIL LIAR OVER HIS OWN FAMILY.” Once Roman started yelling, he just couldn’t stop. “AND DON’T GIVE ME THAT STUPID ‘I LOVE YOU’ BECAUSE IF YOU DID, YOU WOULN’T HAVE PICKED DECEIT OVER ME. AND YOU ACTUALLY BELIEVED HIM WHEN HE SAID HIS NAME! JUST ADMIT IT PATTON, YOU’RE A SELFISH JERK WHO CARES ABOUT NO ONE BUT HIS SELF.”

Patton took a step back, startled by the force in his words. He was silent for a few seconds, trying to find some way to defend himself, but Roman was right. “S-sorry for bothering you kiddo. I-i’ll go now,” he managed to stammer as he choked back tears and it took a whole lot of self-control to slowly walk away instead of running off crying. 

As he began to make his way to Virgil’s room for round two of apologies, he could hear Roman yelling from behind him. “THERE YOU GO AGAIN WITH YOUR STUPID ‘I’M SORRY’ IT DOESN’T MEAN ANYTHING IF YOU DON’T TRY TO BE BETTER.”

He thought he heard Roman say something else, but he was already at the door of Virgil’s room. “Virge? Can I talk to you for a minute? It’s Patton.” 

Slowly, Virgil opened the door, but he looked furious. “What do you want to talk about? How you accepted Janus despite the fact that he insulted Roman, despite the fact that you knew we had a rough past? Or how you hurt Thomas, and exposed Remus to him? Or what else? WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT PATTON?” 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry about everything that you mentioned, and how I’ve failed to treat you like as less of an innocent harmless angle.” Patton spat out. Okay, so this wasn’t great, but so far it was going better than his conversation with Roman. 

“Sure you’re sorry. You keep repeating these apologies, but how can we trust you, Patton? You betrayed us.” Virgil spat out the final phrase with particular force, and it stabbed into Patton’s ever-growing guilt. Before Patton could respond, however, Virgil stormed off into his room, grabbed something, and came out, throwing that thing at Patton. “Take this back, you clearly didn’t mean it,” and with that, he slammed his door shut. 

Looking down at the paper in his hands, Patton realized that it was the famILY card he had given to him a few years ago. That simple action stung more than what anyone could say. He loved Virgil, of course, he did, he loved all of his famILY, yet he did a horrible job at showing it. 

Trying his hardest not to cry, Patton dragged himself to Logan’s room, but before he could even raise his hand to knock, Logan opened the door. “I don’t want your apologies, Patton. I understand that Deceit is an important part of Thomas, but the logical choice was to not accept him, especially know what he said to Roman or his past with Virgil. Please take your leave at this time.”

“O-okay Logan.” Patton stuttered, and as soon as he made sure Logan couldn’t see him, he ran to Remus’ room. He owed him an apology because he accepted both Janus and Virgil, taking his friends away from him, and he probably also played a huge role in the split from Roman.

Shaking, Patton knocked on the door. “Remus can I um come in? It’s Patton.”

From the other side of the door, Remus replied, “Enter if you dare!” but he was missing his usual flare. 

“IjustwantedtosayI’msorryforbeingtheresonJanusandVirgilandRomanleftyouandIhopeyoucanforgiveme.”

“Whatever Patton.” Remus shrugged, not having the energy to argue with Patton at the moment. 

Another unsuccessful apology. Not even bothering to hide his tears anymore, he quickly sunk into his room and collapsed onto his bed where he lay for hours, tears streaming down his face. He was the worst father to exist, and he betrayed his family. The only side who didn’t seem to hate him was Janus, but the was because he didn’t know Patton well enough. Once they started seeing each other more, surely Patton would lose him too. He stared at the drawer where he kept his blade and debated grabbing it. He decided against it, however, and got up to make dinner for everyone. 

Janus was the only one who came down to eat, and Patton was too caught up in his own thoughts to hold a conversation with him. The only time either one of them said something, was when they briefly wished each other a good night’s sleep. 

Before he went to sleep, Patton decided he was going to bring all of the other sides, Janus excluded, their serving of dinner. This would also give Patton a chance to ask Logan a question he's had for a long time, but only now worked up the courage to actually ask him. Patton put the uneaten dinner plates outside everyone’s rooms. Knocking on his door, Patton rushed to ask his question as soon as the door was opened, and before Logan could tell him to go away like he did last time.

“Logan, what would happen to Thomas if I ducked out?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This was actually my first time writing fan fiction, so if you have any constructive criticism I'd love to hear it! Also if you have any suggestions for additional tags, let me know.


	2. Quack Quack

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton askes Logan about ducking out and his feelings of guilt and worthlessness grow. Janus and Logan grow worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> Yelling  
> Self-harm descriptions (nothing graphic)  
> Self- hatred
> 
> Please let me know if there is any that I missed!

Patton’s question definitely startled Logan, he could tell, but maybe if he threw on a fake smile, it would calm his suspicions.

“Patton, I’ll go over what could happen to you, but first I must ask you a question.”

“Okie dokie artichokie!” Patton said fake joy in his voice. He hoped Logan hadn’t seen through his disguise, and if he asked the question Patton thought he was going to, he would believe the preplanned lie.

“Why would you ask such a question, Patton? You’re not- actually thinking of ducking out are you?”

This was the question Patton was hoping Logan wouldn’t ask. “Of course not Logie! I was just curious because when Virgil tried Thomas didn’t feel any fear, so I didn’t know how my leaving would affect him.”

If Logan saw through the lie, he didn’t show it. “Well, for starters, if you were to duck out, Thomas wouldn’t be able to feel most emotions, because you control the majority of them, not including the fear-based ones, those are managed by Virgil.” Okay, so far this wasn’t that big of a deal, because Thomas would probably be the only one who wouldn’t be happy without him. “Oh, and Thomas wouldn’t be able to tell right from wrong which would probably damage his life in many aspects. Overall, it wouldn’t be good for him if you ducked out.”

Oh. That wasn’t what Patton wanted to hear. He was hoping that Logan would say that Thomas would be better off without him. He was hoping that he would say Janus or someone else could take control of his main functions. Of course, he didn’t want Logan to be suspicious, so he put on another smile and cheerfully thanked Logan as he said goodbye and began making his way towards his room.

Once he was in his room, Patton burst into tears. How could he have been so stupid to let all of this happen? He always messed things up, and if Logan didn’t tell him what would happen to Thomas, he probably would duck out right now, and no one would notice. Instead, he grabbed his blade and began to make lines on his thighs so no one would be suspicious. Before going to sleep, or at least trying too, Patton hid the blade in the usual spot under his bed and continued crying.

During the next few weeks, Patton did his usual routine of making all the meals for the sides, but just like dinner that one night, only Janus came. Whenever he passed anyone in the mind palace, they made a point to ignore him, but he continued to wear a smile, because he had hurt them, and allowing them to see him hurt would probably make the situation worse. A small part of him hoped that someone would notice, but he couldn’t ask them to push away their own feelings to help him, even though that was what Patton did himself all the time.

One day, a few months after the wedding, when things still hadn’t changed, Janus happened to rise up in Patton’s room during his nightly cry session. Startled, he asked “Patt? Are you okay?” 

“O-of course I am! I’m always okay!” Patton replied choking back tears, hoping Janus hadn’t been there for too long. 

“Then why were you crying?” He walked over to Patton’s hiding spot and grabbed his blade. “Why does this have blood on it? Tell me the truth Patton, or I’ll figure it out some other way to get it.”

All of a sudden, Patton’s barriers broke down, and he was telling Janus everything he had been feeling the last few days. “I CAN NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT. EVERY TIME I TRY DO SOMETHING, I JUST END UP HURTING ALL OF YOU AND THOMAS. IF LOGAN HADN’T TOLD ME HOW MUCH ME DUCKING OUT WOULD HURT THOMAS I WOULD HAVE DONE IT MONTHS AGO, AND I BET NO ONE WOULD NOTICE, BECAUSE I’M JUST PATTON. STUPID WORTHLESS PATTON.” 

Janus was startled, not only by Patton’s words but the hate that fueled them. He had never imagined Patton could hate anyone that much, let alone himself. “Patt, I, um, you know everything wasn’t your fault, right?”

That made Patton laugh, and it wasn't his usual, cheerful laugh. This one was sad and full of bitterness. “Not my fault? Virgil, Logan, and Roman all seem to think it is. I’m sure if you asked Thomas he’d say the same thing. They all hate me and anyone who doesn’t just haven’t spent enough time with me yet.”

“Patt they don’t-”

“Yes, they do. You weren’t there when I tried to apologize. You don’t see them making a point to ignore me.”

“Patt they are just mad. They’ll come around eventually.”

“Right.” Patton sighed, climbing back into his bed. “Can you just leave me alone for now?” Janus slowly got up and left the room, looking sad. Great. Now Patton had just pushed away the one person who didn’t already hate him. 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Janus was determined to help Patton. After all, he was the first one to accept him, so he kinda owed it to him. He would go to Logan’s room first. He was the most likely to listen to him. 

“What do you want Decei-” Logan began, sounding impatient.

“It’s Janus.” He corrected. "And I’m not here about me, it’s about Patton.”

“What’s wrong?” Logan asked, and Janus could tell he was attempting to hide his worry.

“Did Patton come and ask about ducking out around the time of the wedding?”

“Yes, but he said it was purely for research purposes.”

“Well, he lied. He thinks everyone hates him, and you are the only side that would listen to me.”

“Very well, but everyone else is still angry. We’ll need to get Thomas involved.”

“Whatever it takes,” Janus said, feeling determined. “I’m worried about him.” 

“Me too,” Logan admitted as they both sunk down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the support on the first chapter! It was an idea I had in the middle of the night and I really wanted to share. I wasn't excepting anyone to even read it, and the nice comments and the kudos were a nice thing to wake up to this morning.


	3. Help Is On the Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan and Janus tell Thomas what is happening with Patton, and Thomas attempts to tell the rest of the sides.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> Self- deprecation  
> Self-hate
> 
> There is a small Logicality moment in here, and it was written to be platonic, but you can interpret it however you'd like

Thomas was sitting on the couch rewatching the Office Bloopers for the seventeenth time when Janus and Logan appeared. “Oh hi, Janus, Logan. What’s up?”

“Thomas, I am not going to waste any time. We need your help, it is about Patton.” Logan announced, wasting no time getting to the point.

“What!? What’s wrong? Is he okay?”

Logan spent a few minutes debating how to break the news to Thomas but Janus was growing impatient. “No Thomas. Patton is not okay. He’s hiding his feelings again, and it is way worse than before.” He began to share everything Patton had told him earlier. By the end of his explanation, Thomas looked shocked. 

“How can I help?” Thomas asked, fear dancing across his face.

“You have to talk to the other sides. You're the only one who they’ll listen to. No one trusts me, and if Logan even attempts to mention what happened, they’ll snap at him just like they did to Patton. It will be hard, but you have to convince them to talk to Patton.”

“Okay. I’ll summon them as soon as you leave. Should I tell them what you told me about Patton?”

“That may be necessary.”

"Whatever it takes."  
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Patton kept replaying his last conversation with Janus in his mind. How could he have been so careless? He was supposed to be the happy side or at least supposed to make the others believe he is, and he just showed Janus that he wasn’t. Not only that, but he had pushed him away. The one side who didn’t already hate him. He’d have to apologize later, not that it would matter, he’s been apologizing too much lately. He wanted to just stay in his room all day, but it was time to make dinner, so he pushed himself out of bed and made his way to the kitchen.

He decided he would make pasta because it was quick and easy to cook, and he didn’t have the energy to do anything even slightly. As he was preparing the ingredients, he couldn’t help but think about everything that he has done wrong the past few months. He should have never pushed so hard to make Thomas go to the wedding. He should have never pushed his moral beliefs on to Thomas. He knew how much it hurt him to do so, so why was he surprised when it began to affect Thomas the same way? Lost in thought, he didn’t even see Logan walk up behind him until he spoke.

“Patton, we need to talk.”

Startled, Patton tried to quickly throw himself upright and forced a smile on his face. “What’s wrong? Can it wait?” Keeping that smile on his face, Patton began to think about everything Logan could want to talk to him about. Maybe he had forgiven him, not that he deserved it. Or maybe he had decided that if he were to duck out it wouldn’t be too bad for Thomas. Or maybe Janus had told him everything Patton had said earlier. He really hoped it wasn’t the last one. It was bad enough Janus knew his secret.  
  
“How have you been feeling lately?”

“Purr-fect!” Patton forced a laugh as he tugged nervously on his cat hoodie.

“Falsehood. I know the real reason why you asked me what would happen if you were to duck out. Janus told me everything.”  
  
Nonononono. All of Patton's worst fears were coming true. Maybe if he kept smiling, Logan would think Janus lied. Maybe he’d think it was just a trick to gain his sympathy. Unfortunately, Patton did none of these things. Instead, he burst into tears and collapsed on a pile on the floor. Which is just what he needed, to cry where anyone could walk see him. 

To his surprise, when Patton eventually looked up, he saw Logan crouched in front of him. “Patton, you are aware that I- we don’t really hate you, correct?” 

Something about the unusual gentleness in Logan’s tone made Patton more willing to open up to him. “Yes, you do. And even if you didn’t, you all have every reason to,” he managed to choke out in between tears.

Logan hesitated a moment before opening his arms so Patton could hug him. Surprised, but grateful, Patton threw himself into Logan’s and they stayed there for a few minutes, Patton silently crying, and Logan’s arms around him. However peaceful this moment was, it only lasted a few minutes before they were summoned by Thomas. 

As he was rising up, Patton quickly wiped his tears away and forced a smile on his face. “Hey kiddo, what’s up with you?” he said, hiding the shakiness of his voice. He started to fake laugh before realizing that Virgil, Roman, Janus, and even Remus were there too. “Oh- um- hi guys.” 

“Hi Logan,” Roman said, completely ignoring Patton’s presence. That stung, but he supposed he deserved that. That didn’t matter now though, what mattered was why Thomas had summoned them.   
“So kiddo, what’s the issue that we need to work on?” Patton asked, trying to sound as happy as he usually did, but the pressure of everything was building up. 

“Actually, there is no problem involving me today,” Thomas responded. Oh no. If Patton was scared about the other sides knowing about his issues, it was nothing compared to the way he feared Thomas knowing. Hoping desperately this was to comfort Roman or Virgil, or anyone that isn’t himself. “Patton, you okay?” 

“What kiddo?” 

“You spaced out for a second there.”

“Oh, I didn’t even notice. Sorry about that,” there he goes again with the stupid apologies. “Did I miss anything?” 

“Yes. You missed me saying why I summoned everyone.” 

“Oh?”

“Well, I kinda wanted to talk about you and uh, everything that’s been going on recently?”

No. This couldn’t be happening. Thomas couldn’t know. Virgil, Roman, and Remus couldn’t know. It was bad enough Janus and Logan found out. Besides, he didn’t want them to feel guilty for being mad at him when they had every right to be. To make matters worse, Patton could feel tears streaming down his face. Great. Now he had shown them his hurt, and they would probably blame themselves. 

“W-what about m-me? I-I’m perfectly fine.” Patton spat out, hoping no one noticed the stutter or the tears. But judging by the surprised looks on Roman’s, Virgil’s, and Remus’ faces and the concerned ones on Logan’s, Thomas’ and Janus’, they had. “Well, um, got to go!” Patton forced one more laugh as he hastily sunk out. 

“PATTON WAIT!” six different voices yelled at once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The amount of support I received on the first two chapters is unbelievable to me. Thank you to everyone who has read it, and especially thank you to those who have commented or left kudos.


	4. Whatever He Can

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The other sides find out about Patton’s crumbling mental health, but do they find out in time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> Yelling  
> Fighting  
> Self-deprecation  
> Self-hatred
> 
> The events in this chapter happen simultaneously with one another, they are just told from different perspectives.

In his room, Patton curled up in his bed and let the tears flow. He had just done the one thing he promised himself he’d never do, show the others his bad feelings. He had already failed at this once before, during the Moving On episodes, but at least then, he had a reason to be sad. This time, he had no reason to be sad. He was the one that always made people feel bad. Patton began to cry harder as he hugged the card that Virgil had thrown back to him.

Patton tried to calm himself down by doing some of Virgil’s breathing exercises, but the thought of Virgil made him think of how great their relationship used to be, and he began to cry even harder. It didn’t help that the one thought that haunted him from time to time was appearing, screaming, louder than ever:

He wasn’t good enough for Thomas, and he never would be.   
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

“WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM?” Virgil yelled at Janus. 

“Me? I think you should be asking that question to everyone else. Yourself included,” Janus snarled. 

This caused Virgil to yell a stream of select curse words, which sparked a heated argument. The two of them went on for about five minutes and only stopped when Logan cut in. “Both of you need to calm down and focus on the issue at hand. Thomas, I trust you’ve already told everyone about what Janus and I told you?”

“Told us what?” Virgil growled. 

“I suppose not then. Thomas, are you going to elaborate, or should I?” When he didn’t get a response, Logan continued. “Very well. I’ll tell them then. You guys might want to prepare yourself for this.”

After nearly twenty minutes of explaining everything that he knew about Patton’s downfall since the wedding Roman and Thomas were trying to hold back tears, Remus and Virgil looked shocked, and Janus looked angry. 

“I didn’t mean what I said to him! I was just angry!” Roman cried out. 

“We know that Roman,” Thomas said comfortingly. “Now we have to make sure that Patton knows that too.” 

“Whatever. That doesn’t change the fact that Patton asked Logan about DUCKING OUT,” Virgil yelled, anger directed at no one in particular. 

“Not like you're completely innocent,” Roman spat back, assuming Virgil was yelling at him. This led to the second argument of the day, which was even more heated than the first one.

During that time, Thomas tried to summon Patton. Once. Twice. Three times. No response. “Umm guys…” 

Ignoring Thomas’s small attempts to gain their attention, Roman and Virgil continued arguing. 

“GUYS!” Thomas yelled, stress levels rising. Sure that he had everyone's attention, Thomas continued. “I can’t summon Patton. I’ve tried multiple times, but with no response.”

  
No. He didn’t duck out. Logan wouldn’t believe it. “Thomas, how are you feeling?” 

“Uh, nervous about Patton.”

So far everything was okay, but Thomas’ nervousness was likely a representation of Virgil’s fears and did nothing to prove that Patton was okay. Forcing himself to stay calm, Logan asked, “Okay, how does this image make you feel?” He held up an image of a puppy that never failed to raise Thomas’ serotonin.

“Nothing,” Thomas responded, voice completely monotone.

“Oh no. That isn’t good.”

“What isn’t good? Why isn't it good?” Virgil asked, his voice doing the thing that it did sometimes when he started panicking more than usual. 

“Thomas is currently only able to feel emotions of fear. Patton is in control of most of Thomas’ emotions. If Thomas can’t summon him, nor can he feel emotions, that means Patton has ducked out.”

“Is there still time to save him?” asked Roman, panic dancing in his eyes. With every passing second, the tension in the room was increasing rapidly, both from the awkwardness of almost all of them being in the same room and everyone’s fear for Patton.

“I don’t know,” Logan replied, hoping no one noticed how scared he was. 

“Well we have to try. For Patton,” Janus said, determined to not lose Patton.

“For Patton,” the others agreed as they sunk out to make their way to Patton’s room.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Patton regretted ever asking Logan about what ducking out. If he had just stayed quiet, no one would know about his bad feelings. If he had just stayed quiet, no one would know what he is doing right now. If he had stayed quiet, maybe he could have found a way to help himself before it came to this. 

As he looked around his room, Patton couldn’t help but laugh at himself, how pitiful he was. He had pushed away his entire famILY by being selfish, and yet somehow, he kept crying. He kept feeling bad for himself when he had no reason too. Besides, all he did was give them reasons to show their true feelings about him, and they did. He hated himself for it, but just because he felt guilty didn’t make the situation worse okay. 

The more he thought about it, the more Patton realized Logan was probably wrong about him leaving and how it affected Thomas. Virgil could probably take control of Thomas’ emotions, maybe with some help from Roman, and Logan and Janus could work together to help him with right and wrong. Besides, it wasn’t like he had an important role like controlling Thomas’ limbs just like Roman and Logan did. 

After a few minutes of deciding, and worrying that the others might interrupt him, Patton made his choice. After all, at the end of the last video, Thomas told him that he knew Patton would do anything he could to make things right, and Patton had just realized what that thing was. 

He was going to duck out. 


	5. For Patton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone rushes to help Patton, but can they convince them that they care?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings:
> 
> Intense self-depreciation  
> Yelling  
> Fighting
> 
> Let me know if I missed any!
> 
> Sorry this chapter was a little later than I said I would update, I already had I written and forgot I hadn't posted it.

Patton had already completed the part of the ducking out process where Thomas would no longer be able to feel his presence, but he had not completely left as a part of Thomas when he felt six figures pop up into his room. No. Not now. Maybe if he curled in the corner, they wouldn’t notice he was still there. 

“Patt?” he could hear a voice calling him. It sounded like Janus’, and he sounded scared. He wanted to answer, to comfort his newest kiddo, but that would reveal that he was still there, and he couldn’t let that happen. 

“Patt, please. We just want to talk.” This voice was different. It sounded like Virgil, and he sounded even more scared than Janus. It hurt Patton to worry him like this, especially because Virgil definitely had enough to worry about without throwing Patton in the mix. But that fear was probably fake, just like every time anyone had told him that they cared. Too caught up in his thoughts, Patton let a sob slip out, and that was followed by him slapping a hand over his mouth. Hopefully, no one had heard him. But judging by the fact that Janus was now standing in front of him, they had.

“W-what are you doing here?” Patton asked, voice shaking.

“Why do you think we are here? We’re worried about you Padre,” another voice said. This time it was Roman. But why would Roman be here? Patton had hurt him the most, besides Thomas of course. The others had probably forced him to come along. In fact, there was probably another reason why they were here. They probably wanted to encourage him to duck out.

“What is there to worry about?” Patton replied, trying to stop the shaking in both his voice and his body as Janus helped him stand up and walk over to the group. 

Janus shot him a look. “You know exactly what I mean. And so do they. Logan told them everything.”

“Oh. That.” Patton couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He had almost hoped that his idea of them encouraging him to duck out was true. After a few seconds of consideration, Patton immediately pushed down all of his own thoughts and began to comfort them. “Listen I, um, may not have been feeling too great lately but that is entirely my fault. I messed everything up, you guys were mad at me for it, which I deserved.”

There was silence for a few seconds before Roman spoke up, keeping his tone gentle. “Padre, no. You were just trying to do what was best for Thomas.”

“So? Just because those were my intentions doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt you guys any less.” Patton said, unable to mask the self-hatred in his voice.

“Patton listen to me,” Roman said, voice more firm this time. “All of our jobs are to help Thomas. I was hurt, and angry, so I couldn’t see at the time that you were doing just that. I hope you know I didn’t mean anything I said to you.”

“I hate to say this, but I agree with Princey,” Virgil added. “Oh, and uh, I’m sorry for what I said.”

“I suppose I too may owe you an apology, Patton. I hope you can forgive me if I had said something that caused you to end up in this situation.” Logan said, trying to hide the fact that he was really worried about Patton.

“Guys I appreciate this, but I really don’t deserve it. Whether you meant what you said or not I deserved it. No need to apologize.”

“Patt. Listen to us. Please.” Thomas, who had been silent up until now pleaded. “I appreciate you as a part of me, and I need you in my day to day life. Just because you made a few mistakes doesn’t make you any less important.”

This broke Patton, who had been trying so hard to stay strong. “YES, IT DOES. ALL I EVER DO IS HURT PEOPLE, BUT I’M SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE PEOPLE GO TO WHEN THEY’RE HURT. IF YOU GUYS DON’T HATE ME, THEN YOU SHOULD,” he yelled before collapsing on the floor, sobs shaking his body. 

Of course. He had to mess everything up more than he already had. Patton could tell his outburst scared them. Wasting no time, he immediately began apologizing. “S-sorry guys. I guess I lost my t-temper. I should have tried harder.”

“No Patt. You needed to get that out, and if you didn’t do it now, you might have done it in a much more dangerous way later.” Logan said soothingly. 

“Specs over there is right,” Roman said, his voice sounding protective, the way it used to when he talked about Patton.

Even if the others did feel bad about what they said earlier, they had no right to. They were right, and there was nothing they could do to convince him otherwise. 

“Y’know Patton, I don’t blame you for accepting Janus and Virgil, or the split with Roman,” someone spoke up from the back corner of the room, someone who could immediately be identified as Remus. 

Patton must have made a face because Janus spoke up. “Patton. I know you are finding it hard to believe everyone, but being Deceit, can tell you if they are lying.” 

He wasn’t completely sure that he could believe Janus, what if he lied and said that everyone was telling the truth in order to protect him. Nonetheless, he didn’t want to hurt Janus’ feelings, and refusing would be doing that, so he couldn’t refuse. “Okay,” he said, trying to sound confident.

Slowly and assuringly, each side had repeated what they said earlier, from Roman’s demands that he didn’t actually mean what he said, to Remus saying that nothing that happened to him was Patton’s fault. Every time, Janus gave a small nod, signifying that they were telling the truth. 

Something about the way Janus looked at him with each nod caused Patton to believe that everyone really did mean everything they said about him. Breaking down into tears, that was this time happy tears, he pulled Janus into a hug, and slowly everyone joined in until they were all in a cuddle puddle on the floor. Well, almost everyone. Remus was standing off to the side, staring awkwardly.   
  
“You too,” Patton said making grabby hands to show Remus that he wanted him there too. 

Thomas who couldn’t touch any of the sides, being that they were a figment of his imagination, watched fondly as all of the different parts of his personality were finally getting along. Patton was okay, everything was going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I originally was going to write another chapter, but I couldn't think of what to say. But now I am going to start working on another project, this time an AU!


End file.
